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Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too Paperback – February 1, 1998

by Adele Faber (Author), Elaine Mazlish (Author)
4.7 4.7 out of 5 stars 2,673 ratings
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When parenting authorities Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish sat down to write the national bestseller How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk, they found that they couldn't contain their chapter on sibling rivalry.No matter how much they tried to pare down their advice, they found the subject inexhaustible -- and their readers agreed!

The result is this seminal book -- revised and updated after more than ten years of feedback from parents' letters, TV and radio talk shows, and Faber and Mazlish's highly successful parenting workshops. Siblings Without Rivalry guides the way to family peace and tranquillity with humor and compassion for both parents and children. Illustrated, action-oriented, and easy to understand, it's packed with sensitive yet sensible ways to turn quarreling siblings and frustrated parents into an open, communicative family.

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Previous page
  1. Print length
    272 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Publisher
    William Morrow Paperbacks
  4. Publication date
    February 1, 1998
  5. Dimensions
    5.75 x 0.75 x 8 inches
  6. ISBN-10
    0380799006
  7. ISBN-13
    978-0380799008
  8. See all details
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Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

With a title like this, it's no surprise that authors Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish had a monster bestseller on their hands when the book first appeared in 1988. From the subsequent deluge of readers' stories, questions, and issues, they have created nearly 50 pages of new material for this, the 10th anniversary edition. The central message remains the same, and sounds almost too simple: avoid comparisons. But parents know that's easier said than done. The value of Faber and Mazlish's discussions is precisely that they talk you through umpteen different situations and outcomes to help you teach your brawling offspring a new set of responses. The highly informative text is punctuated with helpful summary/reminder boxes and cartoons illustrating key points. It's a must-read for parents with (or planning on) multiple children. But parents of young children who get along fine (so far) should read it too--as the authors make very clear, rivalry is inevitable. The only question is how to manage the rivalry with intelligence and compassion, and on that subject they offer a wealth of good advice. --Richard Farr

Review

"A very human book about one of the toughest problems parents have to handle." -- --Dr. Benjamin M. Spock

"Have I got a book for you! Run, don't walk, to your nearest bookstore." -- --Ann Landers

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ William Morrow Paperbacks; Expanded edition (February 1, 1998)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 272 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0380799006
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0380799008
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 8.8 ounces
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.75 x 0.75 x 8 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.7 4.7 out of 5 stars 2,673 ratings

About the authors

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  1. John W. Gardner

    John W. Gardner

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  2. Adele Faber

    Adele Faber

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    Adele Faber is an internationally acclaimed, award-winning expert on adult-child communication. She lectures nationwide, and her group workshop programs are used by thousands of groups throughout the world to improve communication between children and adults.

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Customer reviews

4.7 out of 5 stars
4.7 out of 5
2,673 global ratings

Top reviews from the United States

Barbara J. Dixon
5.0 out of 5 stars Motivational for me as a parent and a sibling
Reviewed in the United States on February 20, 2024
Verified Purchase
This was an eye-opener. I gave me insight into my family dynamics as a sibling and a daughter and especially as a newer parent. This book will help me to prevent some of the painful mistakes that many parents make unknowingly.
One person found this helpful
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Kerry Parker
5.0 out of 5 stars Great information. Easy read.
Reviewed in the United States on June 18, 2023
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This book was very conversational in the writing style and therefore very easy to read and digest the information without being overwhelmed. It had some really helpful tips that I have already started implementing with my two young boys.
2 people found this helpful
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NicoleLynn
5.0 out of 5 stars Worth reading, great basic guide
Reviewed in the United States on August 7, 2014
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I am an only child and I just had my second daughter so I was looking for a general guide of how to handle sibling relationships, especially given that I have no first hand experience. My older daughter is 2 1/2 and my younger is now 8 months. I like the reflection techniques outlined in this book and use them with my toddler even when her sister isn't involved (it sounds like you're upset right now, etc). She has even started coming to me and telling me she feels frustrated or sad/mad. Some of the techniques are definitely more for when the siblings are older, but it helped give me ideas for how to set a basis for how I react to their relationship as siblings as they get older. I would definitely recommend this as a great book to get ideas from even if you don't follow it 100%. I think it is a great guide and I'm sure I will be rereading it as my girls get older and more conflicts begin.
4 people found this helpful
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Christina E
4.0 out of 5 stars and the book is so good that between what I read closely and what I ...
Reviewed in the United States on December 26, 2015
Verified Purchase
I'll be honest- I never read the entire book. I tend to scan books sometimes, and when my kids were little I only really had time to scan. But I did read a large portion of it, and the book is so good that between what I read closely and what I scanned, was enough amazing info to really change how I saw my kids. They are 15 mo apart, boy and girl. They are now 6 and 7, and closer than any twins I've met. They argue somewhat, but they work it out. I rarely intervene. When they were 2-3 I would sit down with them in a fight, give each one their turn to speak, repeat back what they said and by the time we got through that one of them would inevitably shout, "I know, why don't we....." (Usually share, do it together, take turns etc). I noticed after only a few weeks of that, they started resolving their own problems. And I loved the format. Nothing preachy, didn't feel like a parenting "philosophy".
8 people found this helpful
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Stephanie
5.0 out of 5 stars Compassionate parenting advice
Reviewed in the United States on March 10, 2017
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I found this book to be full of good ideas -- ideas that I look forward to using without feeling guilty or like I've been doing a terrible job for years. One of the best things about the approach in this series of books is that the approach is compassionate to parents as well to children. The goal is to create a comfortable household and supportive relationships for everyone, so the focus is not on parents changing themselves or sacrificing for their children, but rather on meeting everyone's needs as much as possible. Makes me think the 70s and 80s were a much more enlightened time than we realize!

That said, this book has a more narrative approach than 'How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk.' You will find the same delightfully retro cartoons, but there are fewer lists of skills and more personal perspectives. This is no a downside, just a different way of approaching parenting skills.
7 people found this helpful
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Crystal Sard
5.0 out of 5 stars Couldn't put it down!
Reviewed in the United States on April 9, 2023
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I HIGHLY recommend this book if your kids are anywhere near mine and constantly bickering and fighting. I read this book I'm just a couple of days. It has a lot of great tips that are easy to implement. I've already started using some of the suggestions, and it has amazed me how it's actually worked to diffuse situations. After I finished, I went through it again to re-read all of the things I highlighted just to refresh myself. I wish I had read this years ago when my kids were little.
12 people found this helpful
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Kate Loughrey
5.0 out of 5 stars Sage, practical advice.
Reviewed in the United States on September 12, 2023
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This book was so helpful when I was raising my two children that I bought a copy to pass on to my daughter who is now a mother herself!
One person found this helpful
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jenni h.
5.0 out of 5 stars A must read for all gentle parents!!!
Reviewed in the United States on October 6, 2016
Verified Purchase
Amazing book! This book is perfect for those who practice gentle parenting. It gives practical advice that gets to the bottom of the actions and gives the child the tool he needs to deal with his feelings appropriately. There are no punishments given out, which I love because while punishments *might* change the behavior temporarily, it doesn't actually fix anything. In one day I started noticing a difference in bahvior with my four boys. Usually when they get mad at each other, they just haul off and hit each other. Now they are talking about how they feel and communicating what they want. Obviously there is still some fighting but its gotten so much better. And the bickering has lessoned as well. I read this all in less than two days and will be rereading it!
3 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

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Thomas
5.0 out of 5 stars Good read
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on December 12, 2023
Verified Purchase
Clear steps on how to deal with situations. Plenty of examples and stories given. Looking forward to trying out these techniques
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sumitha75
5.0 out of 5 stars Great book with helpful advice
Reviewed in India on July 4, 2023
Verified Purchase
I tried to follow some of the suggestions in this book and it actually helped.
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Maartje
4.0 out of 5 stars inspirerend boek met handige direct toepasbare voorbeelden
Reviewed in the Netherlands on June 14, 2023
Verified Purchase
leuk boek, vol afwisselende voorbeelden zit die je goed als ouder helpen om in te zien hoe het ook anders kan met weinig moeite. geschreven in vlotte stijl met humor.
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Richard Fernandez
5.0 out of 5 stars Awesome book for professionals and parents alike
Reviewed in Germany on August 14, 2022
Verified Purchase
This book is full of great stories and ideas, and is very useful to even those with education or child development backgrounds. Exercises can be tried right away at home. Great way to help clients. Highly recommend.
One person found this helpful
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Marisa
5.0 out of 5 stars WOOOOW
Reviewed in Mexico on September 11, 2018
Verified Purchase
Excelente libro....TOP 3 libro para recomendar a papás con un segundo hijo en camino!!!! Increíble todo lo que presentan y la manera en la que lo hacen. expresa totalmente el sentir de los padres y las soluciones. Muy muy recomendado!!!
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